Beyoncday

You know what happened. She released an album without any leaks, any word, any promotions. Was the world surprised? Yes. But after they thought about it- no. Who is the only person that could have pulled this off? 

I was supposed to go home today, alas, an ice storm has kept me from doing so. I would be mad but, B wouldn't want that, not on Beyoncday. So what better way to spend the day than watching Beyonce slay what I knew about music video cinematography. Since everyone went home but me & I've just been chillin' with Bey all day, I thought I'd write a review for those of you that were silly and did not buy this album within the first 3 hours it was released. (Along with 80,000 other people) What is provided is a review of her visual album: Beyoncé. 

Best Videos 

1. Rocket

2. Partition

3. Haunted

4. Pretty Hurts

5. Blue Ivy

6. Mine

7. Heaven

8. Blow

9. XO

10. Jealous

11. Yoncé

12. Flawless

13. Drunk In Love

14. Super Power

15. Ghost

16. No Angel 

Video Descriptions/Reasoning Behind Order

Rocket- Making love to Beyoncé

Partition- Crazy sex with Beyoncé

Haunted- Beyoncé's version of The Shining (The better version) 

Pretty Hurts- A tasteful take on True Life: I'm A Pageant Girl. Also, the song delivers a strong message about our culture's definitions of beauty. 

Blue Ivy- A day at the beach in Brazil with Beyonce and Blue Ivy. And yes, towards the end you are graced with Blue's darling face. 

Mine- Despite being one of the worst songs on the album (thanks, Drake) this video is mind blowing. It's like stepping into a museum of porcelain, love & war. Yeah, you just have to see it. 

Heaven- Watch This With Your Best Friend. Laugh together, cry together, and do lots of stupid shit together because no relationship will ever compare to this one. Powerful song. Powerful Video. Uhg, where are Tyler & Josi?

Blow- Ever wondered what Beyoncé would have looked like at a 70's roller disco? Ever wondered what head from her was like? 

XO- Carnival goin' young lovin' kids dancin' fun.

Jealous- Weirdly gripping. We call her the Queen but she also experiences things that the rest of us girls do, like jealousy. Beyoncé nails being completely relatable in this video. Damn girl, if Jay-Z's messin you know we got you. Who run the world? 

Yoncé- Girls Night Out. B style. Shortest & catchiest song on the album.

Flawless- 1. There is a 2 second clip from this video that is destined for GIF fame. It is a look of "sorry not sorry", combined with a head bob, and the words "we flawless." 2. For a minute or so the vocals stop & are replaced with the words from a TED talk on feminism that I cannot for the life of me find right now. The video starts off a little, "woah, okay so she does know how great she is" but ends on a strong women's empowerment note. Well done, as always. 

Drunk In Love- This video starts out slow & I was like, man there is 1 dud on the video album. So wrong. It took me a minute to realize it, but she is wasted in this video. As is Jay Z who makes a special appearance.

Super Power- KELLY? MICHELLE? PHARRELL? holy hell. 

Ghost- Beyoncé in a life-size sleeve and then oil. Yep. 

No Angel- This video is actually where the "album art" of just her chest & lips comes from but overall is a video we've all seen before. Girl in the hood with some heels on. Pitbulls n cars. Half expected to see a cameo by Trinidad James. 

Now, go buy this album.